The Power of the Pause: How "Stop and Think" Transforms Life with ADHD

Have you ever found yourself in a moment of regret, wishing you could rewind time and respond differently? Perhaps you blurted out something in frustration, made an impulsive purchase, or your child reacted without thinking, leading to a meltdown or a squabble? These moments are all too familiar for those touched by ADHD, whether you're an adult navigating your own neurodivergence or a parent guiding a child with ADHD. The challenge often lies in something called "self-control" – the ability to hit the brakes and think before acting.

At MayDay ADHD Coaching, we understand that ADHD is a neurodivergence with its unique strengths and weaknesses. One of the areas where it can present challenges is in the executive functions, particularly self-control. These crucial skills, located in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, are responsible for decision-making and coordinating our thoughts and actions. When self-control is low, it can lead to impulsivity – often acting on urges without considering the consequences.

This impulsivity can manifest in various ways for adults, such as overspending, emotional outbursts, or difficulty sticking to plans. For children, it might look like difficulty in social situations, challenges with learning, or even safety concerns. The impact can ripple through finances, relationships, career, and overall well-being. But here's the good news: building the "Stop and Think" skill is absolutely possible, and it can profoundly transform life with ADHD.

Cultivating Your Inner Pause Button: Practical "Stop and Think" Strategies

So, how do we cultivate this crucial ability to pause and think before reacting? We often use a simple yet powerful acronym in our workshops: STOP.

• S - Stop: The very first step is to literally pause what you are doing. If you're about to say something you might regret, or your child is heading towards a meltdown, consciously halt the immediate action. This creates a tiny, but significant, window of opportunity.

• T - Take a Breath: Once you've stopped, take a deep, mindful breath. This isn't just a physical act; it helps to ground you in the present moment and can create a physiological shift, calming your nervous system.

• O - Observe: Now, notice what's happening. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? What sensations are in your body? What's going on around you? Observe without judgment, just gather information.

• P - Proceed Mindfully: After stopping, breathing, and observing, you can now choose your next step with intention, rather than just reacting automatically. This is where true self-control comes into play.

Beyond the "STOP" method, here are some practical strategies to integrate into your daily life:

1. Identify Your 'Stop Triggers' – Both Big and Small: To truly harness the 'Power of the Pause,' the first step is learning to identify your personal 'stop triggers.' These aren't always about preventing a negative outcome; sometimes they're simply cues that signal a moment for intentional decision-making.

For adults, proactive "stops" can be integrated into various daily contexts. This might be before hitting "send" on an email, before interrupting someone in a conversation, or before making a significant decision. It could also apply to habits like stepping into a shop or having an online shopping cart full of items; pausing to ask: "Is this an impulse or a planned purchase? Is this truly necessary, or is it an unnecessary distraction?" The key is to consciously initiate a pause in moments where automatic reactions might not serve your best interests.

For children, a trigger might be the point of transition from one activity to another, a specific request from a parent, or even just sitting down to do homework. Learning to pause before automatically reacting allows for more thoughtful engagement. Observing if certain times of day (like after school) or specific activities consistently lead to your child's impulsive behaviours can also serve as a 'stop trigger' for parental intervention or guidance.

2. Implement Your Pause: Practical Tools to 'STOP': Once a trigger is recognised, how do you physically stop? This is where simple mindfulness tools become your best friend. For adults, taking three deep breaths, counting to ten, or even physically stepping away for a moment can create that vital space. The key is to have a pre-planned, automatic action that immediately interrupts the impulsive response and initiates the 'pause'.

For children, co-regulating is a powerful way to help them develop their own "pause" button. This means taking a moment to pause together with your child when a trigger arises, or before doing something new. For instance, you could say, "Let's both take three big breaths before we start the next thing," modelling the behaviour. You might also use a visual cue like a 'stop' hand signal or encourage them to squeeze a stress ball before reacting. The key is to have a pre-planned, automatic action that immediately interrupts the impulsive response and initiates the 'pause'.

3. Meeting Needs: Fuelling Your Foundations for Self-Control Unmet physical or emotional needs can significantly fuel impulsivity. When our foundational needs aren't addressed, our brain's capacity for self-control can diminish, leading to reactive behaviours. Recognising and proactively meeting these needs can be a powerful "pause" strategy.

• Physiological Needs: These are the most basic building blocks for a well-functioning brain. For individuals with ADHD, vital needs like consistent sleep, regular and balanced nutrition, adequate hydration, and sufficient physical movement/exercise are often overlooked due to hyperfocus, time blindness, or simply forgetfulness. When these are unmet, the brain lacks the necessary fuel and regulation to engage executive functions effectively. Hunger, fatigue, or an urgent need for movement can directly lead to irritability, poor decision-making, and increased impulsivity. Proactively scheduling meals, water breaks, and movement throughout the day can make a huge difference.

• Mood Needs: This refers to managing strong emotions like anger, anxiety, frustration, or overwhelm. For adults, if you find yourself snapping or making rash decisions when stressed, it might be a signal that your mood needs aren't being managed. Proactively taking a planned short break, engaging in a calming activity, or having a pre-determined de-stressing ritual can prevent emotional outbursts. For children, intense emotional reactions or difficulty calming down can indicate unmet mood needs. Helping them identify their feelings and providing strategies like deep breathing or a quiet space can support emotional regulation.

  
  

• Sensory Needs: Individuals with ADHD often have unique sensory profiles. This can mean being easily overstimulated by noise, light, or textures, or conversely, being under-stimulated and seeking more input. For adults, if a busy environment leads to irritability or impulsivity, it might be a sensory overload. Planning for quiet breaks or using noise-cancelling headphones can help. For children, a sensory tool like a fidget toy, a weighted lap pad, or even a short burst of physical activity can help them regulate when they're agitated or seeking input, preventing impulsive meltdowns.

• Relational Needs: Humans are social creatures, and unmet relational needs (e.g., feeling unheard, misunderstood, or disconnected) can also trigger impulsive reactions. For adults, this might manifest as interrupting conversations or withdrawing when feeling isolated. Proactively seeking clear communication or scheduling dedicated connection time can address this. For children, feeling unheard or misunderstood can lead to impulsive bids for attention. Practising active listening or setting clear boundaries for communication can support healthier relational interactions.

4. Clear, Consistent Expectations & Replacement Behaviours: Building New Pathways Establishing clear and consistent expectations, alongside developing positive replacement behaviours, is crucial for improving self-control. This strategy helps to build new, more effective pathways in the brain, reducing the reliance on impulsive, automatic reactions. When you know what is expected – both of yourself and for your child – and have pre-planned alternative responses, it provides a powerful framework for intentional action.

• For Adults: Consider identifying a specific impulsive behaviour you want to change (e.g., procrastination, interrupting, emotional eating). What is the clear, realistic expectation for a more desired action? Then, what is a positive replacement behaviour you can commit to? For instance, if the urge is to endlessly scroll when procrastinating, the expectation might be to work for 15 minutes, with the replacement behaviour being a planned short, stimulating break. By consciously choosing the replacement, you create a new habit.

• For Children: The benefit of clear and consistent expectations is immense for children with ADHD, as it provides the external structure that their developing brains crave. Work with your child to set simple, understandable expectations for routines or challenging situations. When it comes to replacement behaviours, remember that language centres can be difficult to access when a child is already triggered. Focus on alternatives that are easy and immediately accessible. For example, instead of yelling when frustrated, they could learn to take three big breaths, give a 'stop' signal with their hand, or squeeze a stress ball. Instead of hitting when angry, they could stomp their feet a few times. By collaboratively identifying and practising these simpler replacement behaviours in calm moments, you equip them with tools they can actually use when overwhelmed. Remember, a positive to corrective feedback ratio of 5:1 can be incredibly powerful in fostering these new behaviours.

  
  

The Ripple Effect: Benefits of the "Pause"

Embracing the "Power of the Pause" and honing your "Stop and Think" skills can have a profound impact:

• Improved Relationships: Less impulsive reactions lead to clearer communication and stronger, healthier bonds.

• Greater Goal Achievement: Thoughtful decision-making empowers you to stick to your plans and achieve your objectives.

• Increased Self-Confidence: The ability to manage impulses builds a powerful sense of control and self-efficacy, whether you're a child learning new coping skills or an adult navigating life's complexities.

• Happier Lives: Ultimately, reducing impulsive reactions can lead to less stress, fewer regrets, and a greater sense of overall well-being.

Ready to harness the "Power of the Pause" in your life or to help your child develop this vital skill? Start small. Pick one strategy from above and commit to trying it this week. Observe the difference it makes.

Join our vibrant MayDay ADHD Coaching Facebook communities – Parents of Children and Teens with ADHD and Canberra ADHD Community – to share your experiences and connect with others on this journey. We'd love to hear how the "Power of the Pause" is transforming your life!

Don't miss our upcoming workshops where we dive even deeper into these essential self-management strategies:

• For Parents: "From Impulsive to In Control: Building Self-Management Skills in Children with ADHD" (Our next session for this topic is 28th August 2025). Book your spot now: https://bit.ly/MayDayPoCTA.

• For Adults: "From Impulsive to Intentional: Mastering Self-Management with ADHD" (Our next session for this topic is 28th August 2025). Book your spot now: https://bit.ly/MayDayADHD.

Take the next step towards a more intentional and in-control life!